Endurance
by Kitsanken
Summary: A brutal attack, shattered ideals, a rage unleashed beside fierce protective instints. Tears shed for lost innocence, grief over what could have been. Rated for Mature Themes.
1. Chapter 1

**Rurouni Kenshin Fanfic**

_Rurouni Kenshin & Samurai X Original Japanese Version (c) N.Watsuki/Shueisha * Fuji-TV * SME Visual Works Inc. * Sony Pictures Entertainment_

_All Fanfics created by Chiruken (me) were written for the sole purpose of shared entertainment and not intended for publication or sale._

**~**

Endurance

By Chiruken

Chapter 1

Pain assailed her senses.  Everything hurt.  She tried to move, to straighten out her cramped muscles, and found that she couldn't.  The bite of rope into her tender flesh prevented her from struggling against her bonds.  Slowly opening her eyes, she tried to blink her vision into focus, tossing her head to move her long, unbound hair from her face.

    She was lying on her side, arms bound behind her causing her to arch her back uncomfortably to relieve the painful strain on her shoulders and elbows.  Her wrists felt raw, the harsh fibers of the rope digging into the delicate flesh, cutting off her circulation.  She wiggled her fingers and winced, feeling the sharp stinging needles of poor blood flow.  She didn't know how long she'd been tied, unconscious, but by the way her hands felt cold and swollen she had a feeling it had been several hours.

    She heard the moan of wind whistling through cracks in the wall in front of her and shivered as it blew over her bare legs.  Shifting so she could see herself she stifled a sudden cry, seeing her kimono torn and stained with blood.  Biting her lip, she felt tears burning in her eyes and fought to hold them back.  She didn't know what had happened to her, but by the way her body ached she knew it had been bad.  **_Why can't I remember?_** She shook her head sharply and pushed the rising panic away desperately.  She couldn't afford to lose her head.  She had to look at her situation logically and with a clear mind.

    Her first priority should be to free herself of her bindings and she began to struggle, twisting her hands desperately, feeling the bite of the rope digging deeper.  Tears trickled down her pale cheeks as her raw wrists began to bleed, but she ignored the pain, focusing instead on continuing her struggles.  The rope became slick with her blood and soon she was able to slip one hand free.  Breathing heavily, she held her numb and tingling hands against her chest, whimpering at the agony of rope burn and the way the air stung the wounds her efforts had caused.

    Slowly pushing herself up, she looked around the room and cringed, seeing the filth on the floor as well as pieces of her torn kimono.  Biting her lip, she shifted her weight and barely suppressed a cry of pain.  She felt raw and bruised, the pain centering on her hips and thighs…but mostly between, in her private area.  Looking down, she pressed her shaking hands against her abdomen before moving the ripped material aside.  A soft moan escaped her trembling lips when she saw the smear of blood and something else on her thighs as well as the bruises darkening the tender flesh.  Now she knew what had happened.

    Lifting her shaking hands to her face she wept silently, bitterly, the quiet sobs shaking her slender form.  She wanted nothing more than to curl up into a little ball and cry forever, her heart broken for the loss of her innocence in such a brutal and savage way.  She couldn't remember the face of her attacker, only the terror and acute sense of horrified betrayal.

    As her sobs slowly lessened to hiccoughs, she lowered her hands.  She had to get away, before the unknown assailant returned.  He wouldn't have left her here, tied up and unconscious…alive…if he didn't intend to return.  Using the wall for support, she slowly dragged herself to her feet, whimpering at the pain wracking her slender body.  She felt violated, abused, and so utterly alone it was difficult to force her body to move.  Drawing on her reserves of inner strength, she finally managed to stand upright, breathing heavily in the cold room.  Running her gaze over the room, eyes haunted and filled with fear, she finally spotted a single door.  Biting her lip, using the wall again for support, she staggered towards her only hope for freedom.

    Reaching out a trembling hand she fumbled with the catch on the door, feeling her panic rising with the certainty that she was about to be caught.  Finally, the door swung open, revealing nothing but shadowy darkness, trees looming up to tower above her, partially blocking out the light of the moon shining down on her.  Shivering in the increased chill, she wrapped her arms around herself and slowly stepped forward, her movements stiff and uncertain.  She had to get away, she knew that, but to where?  She didn't know where she was, nothing was familiar.

    A snapping twig galvanized her into motion and she half ran, half stumbled away from the filthy cabin with suppressed memories of terror and pain.  Her chest burned with the efforts of her exertion, her heart thudding painfully against her ribs with the certainty that she was being pursued, her captor close behind.  She ignored the sharp sting of branches clawing at her, tearing her already tattered kimono, catching in her unbound hair to drag her back, her terrified mind envisioning that they were hands trying to stop her flight.

    Tripping on an exposed root she fell, sprawling to the spongy ground, the scent of rotting vegetation overwhelming her senses as she tried to crawl forward, her limbs quivering from exhaustion.  Breath catching on a sob, she fell, face first and curled herself into a little, protective ball, shaking uncontrollably from terror and cold.  In the distance she could hear voices, but they were too far to make out the words.  For a moment she wondered if those who belonged to the voices were there to help, but discarded the thought immediately.  She couldn't take the chance.  Whoever was nearby could easily be the man who'd abducted her and attacked her.

    Struggling to her knees she began crawling until she reached the broad trunk of a tree.  Pressing her hands to the rough bark, she pulled herself to her feet, legs trembling from fatigue, teeth chattering in fear and cold.  She ignored it all, one thought, and one thought only, in her mind.  She had to get away.  She had to find a safe place where she could hide.

    Forcing her tired muscles to obey the commands of her mind, she began to run again, wincing at the loudness of her passage.  She heard a shout behind her and panicked.  She'd been detected!  Tears falling unchecked down her pale cheeks, streaking through the dirt staining her face to drip off her chin, she panted and forced herself to run faster, tripping and stumbling over the unfamiliar terrain.

    She screamed when strong arms came around her, swinging her around forcefully.  She fell forward, against a strong chest, and she began to struggle, fighting with everything left in her to escape.  The arms fell away and she staggered back, still screaming as she tripped over another root to fall to the ground.  She felt some surprise when she didn't feel the hard impact, only strong arms supporting her, holding her tightly.  Sobbing uncontrollably she brought her hands up to feebly strike against the superior strength.


	2. Chapter 2

**Rurouni**** Kenshin Fanfic**

_Rurouni__ Kenshin & Samurai X Original Japanese Version (c) N.Watsuki/Shueisha * Fuji-TV * SME Visual Works Inc. * Sony Pictures Entertainment_

_All Fanfics created by Chiruken (me) were written for the sole purpose of shared entertainment and not intended for publication or sale._

**~**

Endurance

By Chiruken

Chapter 2

    She heard a voice, soft, familiar, comforting, break through the haze of her terror, the words unintelligible.  She felt the arms tighten around her, the scent of laundry soap filling her senses.  Slowly she began to relax, listening to the tender murmurs near her ear, crying into the soft material of a faded and worn gi.  The words didn't matter.  She was flooded with relief and despair all at once.  She was safe…but for how long?

    "Kaoru-dono, it's all right, that it is.  I'm here now, that I am."  Kenshin tightened his hold on the young woman he held sobbing against his chest.  Her appearance suggested the unthinkable had happened and he fought a swell of fury threatening to unleash the bloodlust he hadn't felt in years.  Who could have done such a thing to his sweet and innocent Kaoru?  "Shh…no one will hurt you, I promise."

    She shook her head, knowing the words to be false.  She wasn't safe…never would be again.  Slowly she tilted her head back and opened her eyes, finding her tear-filled blue gaze caught by concerned violet.  "K-Ken…shin…" She whispered his name, the sound barely audible.  "Oh Kenshin!"  She buried her face against his chest again, sobs of relief and heartache wracking her slender form as she cried.

    He felt his heart break at the sound of her heart wrenching sobs.  He felt powerless, unable to properly comfort the young woman he held so dear.  He murmured soft words of comfort, knowing deep within his heart that it wasn't enough.  Someone had hurt his Kaoru deeply and he wanted nothing more than to kill the bastard that had dared to touch her and violate her so brutally.  Instead, he lifted her into his arms and carried her, swiftly leaving the forest behind.  He had to get her to Megumi.  The lady doctor would know what to do.

    She didn't protest when he lifted her, feeling a surreal sense of detachment as he carried her away from the place of her nightmares.  He'd take care of her.  He would protect her.  He always did.  Resting her head against his shoulder she closed her eyes, tears slowly trickling down her cheeks.  She was ruined, sullied beyond redemption.  He could never want her now…never return her love.  And her heart broke a little more at the thought of how she was going to lose the only man she'd ever loved.

    Moving at nearly god-like speed through the darkened streets, he skidded around a corner and breathed a soft sigh of relief when he saw light spilling from the closed shouji of Megumi's home.  Not bothering to knock at the gate, he entered the yard, calling for the doctor urgently.  The door opened, revealing the familiar form of the woman he called friend and he pushed passed her into the warmth of her room, holding Kaoru's limp form tightly against his chest.

    "Ken-san!"  Megumi stared, horrified, at the young woman in his arms.  "Kami-sama!  What happened?"  Without waiting for a reply, she led him to her room and unrolled her futon, indicating that he place her on the soft sheets.  Her eyes moved over the torn and bloody kimono and she cringed inwardly at the bruises forming on the tender flesh of her exposed thighs.  There was no doubt in her mind what had happened to the young woman when her gaze narrowed on the smearing of blood on her bruised thighs.  She gave the man she called friend a hard look but her suspicions disintegrated at the silent heartbreak reflected in his expressive violet eyes.  He hadn't been responsible, of that she was certain.  She knelt beside the futon, gently taking the young woman's hand in her own.  "Leave us, Ken-san.  I will examine her in private."

    Nodding slowly, he backed away, gaze resting briefly on the familiar and beloved features, her beauty marred by bruises and tears.  Biting his lip, he silently closed the shouji and retreated to the solitude of the engawa to stare out over the shadowed yard.  Slowly lowering himself to the polished wood, he leaned forward, arms resting on his knees as he bowed his head, hands covering his face.  He'd failed her.  He'd vowed to protect her, and he'd failed.  He blamed himself for not accompanying her to the market earlier that evening when she'd left to purchase tofu for dinner.  How could he face her now?  How could he live with the shame of his failure?  He closed his eyes, tears slowly falling into his hands as he thought of how carefree and trusting she had been.  He knew that it was now shattered, the shadows of her ordeal would forever dull the sparkle of life in her beautiful blue eyes.  And it was all his fault.  He should've been there.

Rage and grief warred within his heart and he wished fervently for an outlet for his turmoil.  He'd wanted to protect her from such ugliness, yet he'd failed and for that he could never forgive himself.  What good was his offered protection if he couldn't follow through on the promise?  The weight of his sakabatou pulled against his side, mocking him with its familiar form.  He carried the weapon in order to protect those who couldn't protect themselves, yet his sweet and gentle Kaoru had been hurt beyond comprehension and his vow had been nullified.  The weapon was useless, **_he_** was useless.  A part of him, the part that would forever carry guilt and self-hatred, blamed himself for her pain.  That same part of him reasoned that it was his presence that had caused the attack.  If he never would have entered her life she'd be safe and content, her life never in peril, her soul untouched by the horrors of her ordeal in the forest.

He winced, knowing that his guilt was not well placed.  He hadn't been responsible for what had happened, but he couldn't quite suppress the certainty that somehow he was at fault.  He should have been with her, offering his protection no matter how she protested.  She should never have been out after dark, alone, unarmed, unprotected.  He closed his eyes tightly, jaw clenched painfully.  He should have insisted he accompany her.  If he would've been there, she would never have been attacked.  Indirect it may be, but it was he who must bear the full weight of blame.  Now, because of his thoughtfulness, his Kaoru was forever changed, her sparkle nearly extinguished, and he was at a loss as to how to proceed.  Their relationship, he knew, was never going to be the same.  Her easy trusting nature was now shadowed by the reminder of the ugliness of humankind, the world no longer a bright and innocent playground for her to experience with joy.

He felt a nearly overwhelming urge to do violence, to spill the blood, slowly, of the man who'd dared to snuff out his Kaoru's sweet flame of innocence.  It was that same innocence that had initially drawn him to her, and now that it had been taken, he was overcome with grief.  Her courage had been tested, her endurance nearly at its end.  Could she recover?  He didn't know.  All he knew was that now, no matter what the cost, he must never leave her alone ever again.  He wanted to see her smile again, the carefree joy she found in life shining in her eyes.  He wanted to feel the warmth and tenderness she offered him with no thought to her own reputation and well-being.  She had been the single redeeming factor in his otherwise bleak existence and it pained him that she was now suffering from something he could have prevented, if only he'd given more thought.


	3. Chapter 3

**Rurouni Kenshin Fanfic**

_Rurouni Kenshin & Samurai X Original Japanese Version (c) N.Watsuki/Shueisha * Fuji-TV * SME Visual Works Inc. * Sony Pictures Entertainment_

_All Fanfics created by Chiruken (me) were written for the sole purpose of shared entertainment and not intended for publication or sale._

**~**

Endurance

By Chiruken

Chapter 3

    Megumi stared at the closed shouji for a moment, drawing in a deep calming breath before turning her attention back to her patient…her friend.  "Kaoru?"  She gently touched the young woman's shoulder, wincing when she flinched at the contact.  "It's all right.  You're safe."  She bit her lip, and leaned forward, gently smoothing her tangled hair from her face.  "Can you tell me what happened?"  She was amazed at how calm her voice was when inside she was quaking with horror and grief.

    Opening her eyes, she stared up into Megumi's concerned expression and burst into tears, sitting up to throw her arms around the older woman.  "It was horrible!"  She sobbed, her shoulders shaking with the force of her tears.  "It was so horrible…" She whimpered softly, dark shadowy images flitting through her mind, mingling with the overwhelming sense of terror and pain.

    Gently smoothing her hands over the younger woman's back, Megumi felt a surge of bitterness grip her.  Kaoru didn't deserve this.  She was always so full of life, a bright shining light of innocent joy at living.  It was unthinkable that she should endure such an ordeal.  But she had.  Someone had shattered her innocence, took her by force, and she prayed to all the kami she could think of that he would endure the fires of hell for all eternity for what he'd done.  "Shh…it's all right.  Cry, Kaoru-chan…we can talk later."  She gently rocked the sobbing young woman, murmuring soft words of comfort and understanding.  Slowly, the sobs subsided and she pulled back, brushing strands of dark hair away from her dirty and tear-streaked face.

    Lifting her gaze to the quiet concern in her friend's familiar features, she drew in a shuddering sigh.  "I-I don't remember…" She broke off, her words hitching on a sob and she shook her head sharply, not wanting to break down again.  She had to get the words out, no matter how horrible they were.  "I don't remember what happened.  I woke up in a cabin…alone…and my arms were tied behind my back."  She held up her hands, showing the raw and bloody flesh marking her wrists in rings.  In the light of the small lamp set to the side, the wounds were ugly, harsh, portraying the brutality of her experience more than words ever could.  Instantly she wanted to hide her hands, never look at them again.  She hated the way her stomach clenched at the sight of the raw flesh.  For a moment the room tilted and she fought the heaving of her stomach, fearing that she would empty the contents into Megumi's lap.

    Drawing in a sharp breath, Megumi reached for her medical bag and began treating the wounds marring the previously smooth flesh of the young woman's slender wrists.  She felt another surge of hate and anger directed at the unknown assailant.  "This will sting a little."  She warned as she cleaned the cuts before wrapping bandages around protectively.  "Do you know who did this?"  She asked softly, setting the roll of bandages aside to take her hands in her own, squeezing lightly in gentle reassurance.  She knew the authorities should be notified of this incident, if only to prevent the same pain and suffering from happening to another innocent victim.  If Kaoru could identify the man responsible it would help in bringing an end to his reign of terror.

    She shook her head, tears filling her eyes again.  "No.  I don't…" She swallowed and shook her head again, a looming form filling her mind's eye, face obscured by shadows as he bent over her.  Desperately she pushed the image away, terror and loathing filling her with dread.  "I don't remember, Megumi."  She closed her eyes briefly, willing the nightmarish reflections of remembrance from her consciousness.  **_Later…_** She silently promised herself.  **_I'll deal with it later, when I'm calmer, not so frightened…**_

    "It's all right."  She forced a smile, wanting to weep for her younger friend.  Her pale features clearly showed the strain of her earlier ordeal and her continued struggle to cope with the terrors she'd been forced to endure.  "It's all right, Kaoru."  She repeated softly.  "It was a horrible thing to experience and it's understandable that your mind wants to forget."  She wondered if her younger friend would ever recover from the events of that night.

    She looked around, blue eyes widening in sudden panic.  "Kenshin!"  She turned her frightened gaze back to the doctor.  "Where's Kenshin?"  She looked around the room, terrified the rurouni had left her alone, never to return, disgusted with her now that she'd been ruined.  Tears filled her eyes, spilling over the splash against her pale cheeks, grief overriding the early panic before returning to the fear of being left alone forever.

    Alarmed at the way her breathing was becoming erratic and her eyes were beginning to glaze over with panic, she tightened her grip on her hands, feeling them tremble within her own.  "He's outside, not far."  Kaoru was obviously still in shock from her ordeal.  Her mind was still living her waking nightmare.  "I asked him to leave while I saw to you, that's all."  She kept her world calm, her tone gentle, as she met the younger woman's dazed gaze.  Pity welled up within her, warring with anger and her own shock.  Kaoru's recovery wasn't going to be easy.

    Nodding with a jerky movement she forced herself to relax.  Kenshin was just outside, he hadn't left her.  He was still near and if she called out to him, he'd be there.  She looked down, seeing the blood on herself and cringed.  She felt her stomach heave again, imagining that she could smell the man who'd attacked her on her body.  "I want a furo."  She whispered.  "I feel…dirty."  She wanted to scrub herself clean, erase all evidence of the attack from her body and, maybe if she were lucky, her mind.  She wanted to cover the scent of her attacker with perfumed soap, clean the stench of his filthy body from hers, and remove the blood drying and flaking from her thighs.  If she washed enough, maybe she could cleanse the ordeal from her soul.

    She nodded and stood slowly, reluctantly releasing the younger woman's hands as she did so.  She understood Kaoru's sudden need.  If she were in her place she'd feel the same.  "I'll ask Ken-san to light the fire."  She bit her lip as she stepped back towards the shouji, seeing the fear returning to Kaoru's eyes.  "I'll be right back, I promise.  I'll leave the shouji open…" She was afraid to leave the distraught woman alone in her current state.

    "I-it's all right.  I'll be fine.  J-just hurry, please?  I don't want to be alone…" She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to still her trembling, wondering how it was possible to feel so cold in the warmth of Megumi's house.  She clenched her jaw in an attempt to silence the chattering of her teeth.


	4. Chapter 4

**Rurouni**** Kenshin Fanfic**

_Rurouni__ Kenshin & Samurai X Original Japanese Version (c) N.Watsuki/Shueisha * Fuji-TV * SME Visual Works Inc. * Sony Pictures Entertainment_

_All Fanfics created by Chiruken (me) were written for the sole purpose of shared entertainment and not intended for publication or sale._

**~**

Endurance

By Chiruken

Chapter 4

    Nodding, Megumi hurried from the room, tears filling her eyes.  She looked around the unoccupied room with a frown, seeing her abandoned meal, the tea, cold, and finally spotted the rurouni sitting outside on the engawa through the still open shouji.  He sat with his head bowed, arms resting on his knees, looking forlorn in the stillness of the night with the moonlight shining on his hair, turning it to the color of blood.  She suppressed a shiver at the morbid turn her thoughts were taking.  She studied his motionless form through the open shouji for a moment, worrying her bottom lip in a rare moment of nervous indecision.  It was both a blessing and a curse that he had been the one to find Kaoru.  The young woman was comfortable around him, so his presence had been able to calm and comfort her, yet his own feelings, though still unclear and unspoken, towards her would make the situation unbearable for him.  How would this affect his feelings towards her?  Would he be able to overlook the loss of her innocence?  She sighed inwardly.  Men put such value on such a petty thing, but she hoped that Himura Kenshin was above such nonsense.  Gathering herself, she rubbed her damp palms against the material of her smock.  She'd put it off long enough.  She had to face him, look into his eyes and see either the distance of a man who'd closed himself off from the woman who loved him, or see the grief of a man who'd been unable to protect that same woman…someone who he cared for deeply whether he admitted it aloud or not.

Stepping up to him she wasn't surprised when he turned to her despite the silence of her soft footfalls.  He'd probably detected her presence the moment she'd stopped in the open doorway behind him.  "How is she?"  She sighed and shook her head as he rose to stand, taking a half step towards the shouji, expression hidden by the shadows playing across his face.  "I want to see her, that I do."  His quiet voice, usually soft and gentle, was tight with emotion, one she recognized immediately as anger.  She couldn't let him near Kaoru when he was so obviously not in control of his emotions.  Though well-meaning, his anger would only serve to make the situation worse.  In the state she was in, Kaoru was liable to mistake the anger as being directed towards her and not the man who'd attacked her.

    She shook her head slowly, regret clear in her expression.  "No, Ken-san.  Not now."  She laid a restraining hand on his arm, frowning at how tensely he was holding himself.  "She needs time.  She's endured a terrible ordeal and needs time to heal…both physically and emotionally."  She felt a surge of frustrated anger directed towards the hapless rurouni followed immediately by guilt.  It was irrational to be irritated with him.  He was concerned for the young woman, yet she did feel strong annoyance that he could be so oblivious to the obvious necessity that she be left alone for the moment.  She didn't need the added strain of having a man, even if that man was Kenshin, around her after the hellish night she'd been forced to endure before he'd found her.

    He closed his eyes and nodded, turning his face away from the lady doctor.  "I understand."  His low voice shook with barely suppressed rage.  Again, he wondered how someone could do something so terrible to such a kind and trusting soul.  It was unthinkable, unfathomable.  It left him feeling completely helpless and at a loss.  He wanted nothing more than to hold her, comfort her, protect her always…yet he was afraid to touch her, fearing that she would break if he did so.  He understood her need for privacy.  He, too, needed time to think, to prepare himself emotionally before he faced her.  Yet he also wanted to be close to her, to offer her the comfort she so desperately needed.  It was an inner battle to hold himself back, to remain standing on the engawa when she was so near, yet hidden away from him.  He felt a surge of irritation directed towards the lady doctor.  He knew she meant well, had Kaoru's best interests at heart, yet he couldn't deny that at that moment he dearly wanted to strangle her for keeping him from his destination.  Only his rigid control and self-restraint kept him from following through on his thoughts.  It would do no good to take his frustrations out on Megumi.

    She shivered, feeling her hair try to stand on end.  It was the first time she actually feared the ex-hitokiri.  She wasn't comfortable with the sensation.  For a moment, when their eyes had met briefly, she'd gotten the distinct impression that he'd wanted to cause her bodily harm for keeping him from Kaoru.  With some effort she swallowed her irrational fear and forced herself to speak through lips stiff with fear.  "She would like a furo.  Would you prepare the fire, Ken-san?"  Kami but it frightened her how his features had hardened, his easy going nature withering away to cold fury, his gentle violet eyes filling with the rage of amber.  She'd only seen his eyes change in such a way once, the night he'd fought against Saito Hajime in Kaoru's doujou.  It had frightened her then to see the man she'd come to know as being gentle and kind become filled with violent fury.  She knew that if he ever discovered the identity of the man who'd attacked Kaoru so viciously he'd kill him, casting aside his vow to never take another life.  What would become of Kaoru then?  He'd leave her for sure, fearing that she would be horrified by his actions, hating him for killing no matter what the reason.  But would she?  She knew Kaoru loved him, but could she accept him with blood on his hands?  Blood shed for her?  "Ken-san…please…" She whispered, tugging on the sleeve of his faded gi, needing to bring the situation back into perspective.  She couldn't allow herself to think such dark thoughts about one of her closest friends.  She knew, deep down, that he would never intentionally cause harm to her or Kaoru.  It just wasn't in him to lash out indiscriminately, no matter what demons were plaguing his troubled heart and soul.  For a moment she stared at the sleeve she held.  **_Such a ridiculous color for a man…** It was an inconsequential thought, one bordering on her own feelings of despair and inadequacy.  She looked to Kaoru as a younger sister, and it hurt her deeply that she hadn't been able to protect her from the ugliness of the world._

    Drawing in a calming breath, he pushed the rage he felt aside and turned slowly to face her.  "Megumi-dono…please return to Kaoru-dono…she will be frightened if she's alone for long."  He closed his eyes and drew in another breath, willing the rage to recede, to allow his mind to function with its usual clarity.  "I will see to the furo."  He stepped off the engawa and crossed to the bathhouse, thankful for the activity that would give him something to occupy his thoughts.  He needed to find a focus for his troubled mind and physical labor seemed the best outlet to the anger he still felt pulsing through his body, threatening to break his tenuous hold on his control.


	5. Chapter 5

**Rurouni Kenshin Fanfic**

_Rurouni Kenshin & Samurai X Original Japanese Version (c) N.Watsuki/Shueisha * Fuji-TV * SME Visual Works Inc. * Sony Pictures Entertainment_

_All Fanfics created by Chiruken (me) were written for the sole purpose of shared entertainment and not intended for publication or sale._

**~**

Endurance

By Chiruken

Chapter 5

    She watched his retreating back as he crossed the yard, moonlight illuminating the scene with surrealistic clarity.  His anger had not been decreased.  If anything, it was worse this way, seething just beneath the surface.  It was a terrible thing to contemplate.  A man such as he was capable of anything if roused to fury…as he was now.  She prayed that he didn't do something foolish and create a worse tangle for them to try to sort through.  It wasn't that she didn't sympathize with his feelings…far from it.  She understood more than she liked.  She felt the same way, a horrifying thought for a supposed healer of mankind such as herself.  But if she ever got her hands on the man responsible for causing so much pain amongst her friends…her surrogate family…she would do everything in her power to make him suffer a slow and agonizing death.  Sighing wearily, fearing for the future of her friends…and herself…, she returned to the room she'd left the young woman in.  Pausing to the side of the shouji, she gathered her usual calm exterior, making certain none of her violent thoughts were visible.  There was no need to show Kaoru how she'd been affected by the events of the night.  She hadn't thought herself capable of such vicious hate, but she was.  She wouldn't subject the young woman waiting for her in the warm room to the negativity of her thoughts.  Forcing a smile, she stepped through the shouji and nodded to her briskly.  "It won't be long."

    She breathed a soft sigh of relief when she saw the older woman.  She'd been half afraid that the doctor had abandoned her, overcome with disgust for her now.  It was an irrational thought, she knew, but a very real fear.  She was changed, she knew it, and she didn't know how to behave anymore.  She couldn't be the person she'd been before…before the **incident**.  She couldn't even bring herself to fully acknowledge what had happened.  Intellectually she knew what had happened to her, but emotionally she just wasn't ready to face it yet.  She would find a way to cope, she knew she would.  She just needed time to gather herself and push the vague memories to the back of her mind until she was fully capable of dealing with them.  But at the moment, another concern was eating away at her and she couldn't quite push the fear she felt inside away from her consciousness.  Irrational it may be, but it was how she felt.  So, he nodded and turned her gaze to the hands she clutched together in her lap.  "I-is he very angry?"  She whispered, knowing that the other woman would know who she meant without further elaboration.

    She'd watched the play of emotions over her younger friend's delicate and bruised features, heart constricting at the pain she was trying to hide.  Kaoru was a strong woman, but would she be able to tap into her inner strength?  Would she be able to overcome such a traumatic event?  It took a moment for her words to penetrate passed the tumultuous thoughts roiling through her mind.  As understanding dawned, her eyes widened, tears filling them before she quickly blinked them back.  She wouldn't cry, not in front of Kaoru.  She owed it to her friend to be strong enough for the both of them.  She crossed the room quickly and knelt beside her friend where she sat motionless on the futon.  "Not at you, Kaoru.  Please, never think that.  He's angry that some one could hurt you, but he'd never blame you for something that was so out of your control."

    She felt relief flood through her.  She'd hoped…needed…the reassurance of the older woman, but still, deep inside, she doubted.  She couldn't help it.  She hadn't been able to hear the words exchanged, the distance between the room she was in from the engawa to great for proper eavesdropping, but she'd heard the tones.  Kenshin's voice had been so angry, it was frightening.  It was rare for the normally calm and gentle rurouni to show such negative emotions that it left her feeling off balance and very afraid.  Sniffling, she fought to hold back her tears.  She felt raw and she didn't want to cry anymore.  "I know…" She whispered, still staring at her hands.  "Megumi…how will I ever look at him again?"

    Again, she had to fight the tears that threatened to overcome her control.  The younger woman sounded so lost and alone it nearly broke her heart.  But she knew that breaking down and crying as she wanted to would solve nothing.  She was Kaoru's doctor, first and foremost at the moment.  She could be her friend later, when the younger woman wasn't fighting to maintain her tentative hold on her raw emotions.  She drew in a calming breath and inserted a briskness to her tone to hide her own wavering tone.  "Like you always do.  It wasn't your fault, remember that."  She gripped her shoulder and shook her gently, needing her to understand the words, not just hear them.  "He doesn't blame you and neither do I.  You are still our Kaoru, our little tanuki.  Nothing will ever change that, not this, nothing."

    She smiled, a wavering and tremulous expression.  Megumi wasn't being cruel, just practical.  She was thankful that she wasn't allowing the tears shimmering in her eyes to fall nor to color her words and tone.  She needed her strength to find her own.  Her smile slipped away, the corners of her mouth tilting down as she sighed.  "I feel different."  She looked up slowly, meeting the other woman's gaze reluctantly, seeing the sympathy in her dark gaze and for a moment she allowed herself to bask in the knowledge that their friendship would endure, even through the trauma she'd just underwent.  "I-I don't like this feeling.  I'm afraid…" It was one of the hardest things for her to admit to the other woman.  She'd always prided herself on her courage in the face of adversity, but nothing in her limited experience had ever prepared herself for something like this.

    "I know…" She closed her eyes briefly, fighting to keep her voice steady.  Kaoru was the strongest person she'd ever known.  She knew, deep down, that if their roles had been reversed, she wouldn't have been able to face her fears as Kaoru was doing.  Her heart swelled with pride and she was glad that she had such a friend.  It made her strive to be a better person herself.  "I know, Kaoru.  But you don't have to be afraid around us."

    She drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly.  She looked towards the open shouji, knowing that they were alone, but feeling a moment of irrational fear that somehow the rurouni would hear her frightened words.  She hated the weakness she was displaying, but was powerless to stop herself.  She returned her gaze to the other woman.  She needed her reassurances now more than ever.  She knew the lady doctor wouldn't lie to her, not now when it mattered so much.  "I don't want to face him, Megumi.  I'm afraid he'll hate me now."

    "Never."  She murmured, tears filling her eyes at the pain in the young woman's shimmering blue gaze.  "He could never hate you."  She smiled shakily and gently brushed the hair from her eyes.  "He loves you too much."  She'd thought to feel bitterness at the admission, yet she didn't.  She'd fought for some time to accept the fact that the gentle rurouni would never return her affections towards him.  He had eyes for Kaoru and no one else.  She smiled a little more naturally, thinking that it was an odd time for her to make that realization.  Perhaps now she could move on, be his friend and nothing more, no more expecting him to someday return one of her many embraces with feeling.

    She was surprised by the other woman's words.  She knew how Megumi felt about Kenshin, had always felt jealous anger towards her whenever she would visit at the doujou and drape herself over the rurouni, flirting shamelessly.  She'd never expected her to actually say that the man she'd been actively pursuing from the moment she'd entered their lives was, in fact, in love with her.  She smiled shakily and shook her head, deciding that the doctor was telling a well-meaning lie.  "I know that isn't true, but thank you for saying it."  She drew in a deep, shuddering breath and moved to stand, wincing at the discomfort she felt in her body.  "It hurts."  She whispered, leaning on the taller woman for support, giving her a thankful look before returning her gaze to the still open shouji.  "How long will it hurt?"

    "The furo should help relieve the physical discomfort.  But the pain inside will take time.  Remember, I'm here if you need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on."  She placed her arm around the smaller woman for support, wincing in sympathy as she limped across the room.  The younger woman had a resilient constitution on her side, so her body would recover quickly.  Her physical training through kendou would see to that.  But emotionally?  She sighed inwardly.  That, as she'd said, would take time.  She didn't know how to start her on the long road to recovery.  It was beyond her scope of understanding.  She'd never experienced anything so traumatic herself, but she was determined to try to help her friend cope.  All she could do was offer her support and unconditional love.  She sighed, thinking it was sad that it had taken such a terrible event for her to finally admit, even if it was only to herself, how much she cared for the younger woman who had offered her friendship when she'd been so alone in the world.  She vowed to be nicer to her in the future, to not taunt her mercilessly any more.  **_From now on I treat you as I would my own sister._**  She silently promised the other woman.   

    She returned the sudden embrace, feeling comforted by the warmth of the other woman's actions.  "I don't think I want to cry anymore."  She shrugged, forcing a soft, bitter laugh.  "I think I cried enough for two lifetimes already."  She looked around the yard, seeing the fire at the bathhouse, but no sign of the rurouni.  She breathed a silent sigh of relief.  She wasn't ready to face him yet, no matter what Megumi said.

    "Do you want me to stay?"  Megumi helped her to sit on the small stool and reached for a bucket to dip into the warm water of the filled and steaming furo.  When the young woman nodded she smiled sadly and helped her removed her ruined kimono, silently vowing to burn the garment the first opportunity she got.  After helping her to clean herself of the physical reminders of her ordeal, she sat back and waited for her to say something.  When she remained silent, staring instead at the floor sightlessly she sighed.  "Would you like to sit in the furo, Kaoru?"

    "Yes.  I think that would help.  My muscles hurt."  She let the older woman help her to her feet and leaned on her as she led her to the steaming furo.  Slowly, she sank into the welcoming warmth of the water, wincing as it stung against her tender flesh.  "Itai…" She hissed softly, but forced herself to relax, leaning back against the wall.  It stung, but it also soothed, the pain receding to an ache.

    "Will you be all right for a few minutes?  I want to get some clean towels from the house."  She was reluctant to leave her alone, even if it was for a short time.

    "I'll be fine…just…" She opened her eyes and smiled.  "Just don't be too long, all right?  I don't want to be alone for too long."

    "I won't be long.  I'll make you a medicinal tea to help sooth your aches and ease your mind."  When she nodded she smiled and left, taking the torn kimono with her.  Pausing outside, she leaned against the bathhouse and drew in a ragged breath, fighting to hold back her tears.  She wouldn't cry…not until Kaoru was safely asleep and unaware.  But it was hard.  She felt raw, her emotions in turmoil.  Anger, sadness, pain, remorse…all churned within her, creating a sickening feeling of helplessness.


	6. Chapter 6

**Rurouni**** Kenshin Fanfic**

_Rurouni__ Kenshin & Samurai X Original Japanese Version (c) N.Watsuki/Shueisha * Fuji-TV * SME Visual Works Inc. * Sony Pictures Entertainment_

_All Fanfics created by Chiruken (me) were written for the sole purpose of shared entertainment and not intended for publication or sale._

**~**

Endurance

By Chiruken

Chapter 6

    "Is that her kimono?"  She jumped at the soft inquiry so close beside her and nodded, the movement jerky as she pressed a hand against her chest, feeling her heart beating rapidly.  She hadn't heard his approach.  Somehow, she always forgot that he could move silently, undetectable.  Perhaps it was because he usually took great care to make noise to alert them all to his presence.  It appeared that the instincts of the hitokiri never faded, merely became easier to control and hide.  The thought left her feeling more than a little uneasy.  What else did he hide?  How much more of his past would begin to emerge now that his calm had been broken?  How many years had it taken for him to learn to mask the instincts of the killer he'd been?  Were any of them safe now that the seal had broken?  "May I have it please?"  Though the words were polite, the tone implied that he wouldn't take no for an answer.  She felt a shiver of apprehension race up her spine.  There was no doubt in her mind that he would take it by force if necessary.

    She frantically pushed her rising fear aside.  She had Kaoru to think of.  She couldn't afford to give in to her own secret terrors.  Stepping back, she gave him a sharp look and tightened her grip on the garment.  "Why?"  She couldn't think of a single reason why the rurouni would want to have Kaoru's ruined kimono.  It would only serve as a bitter reminder of the ordeal she'd just endured.  Why would he want it?  It made no sense to her.  She narrowed her eyes, wondering if he'd finally snapped and his irrational behavior was just the beginning.  She prayed she was wrong, but his strange request left no room for other options.  She hoped she'd be able to keep him away from Kaoru long enough for him to return to his senses.  The young woman didn't need the added stress of Kenshin's delusional behavior to pile onto her own trauma.  The last thing any of them needed was for Kenshin to revert back into Battousai.  His reputation alone was enough to strike fear into the bravest of men.  How would having him there in person, without the calm serenity of the rurouni to balance him out, affect them all?  She could feel their little group based on friendship beginning to unravel and it terrified her more than the stories she'd heard of his activities during the revolution.  They were her family.  If they fell apart, what would become of her?  She'd be alone again, facing the world by herself without the support of her friends whom she regarded as her surrogate family.

    His eyes narrowed, watching the emotions playing across the woman's features, not liking the way she was looking at him so narrowly, dark eyes glittering in the half light of the moon shining down on them.  It made his skin crawl to see such a look in her eyes.  What she was thinking, he had no clue.  He also didn't think he wanted to know if her expression was any indication of her thoughts.  He fought to maintain his tenuous hold on his already frayed temper.  The night's events had whittled away his usual calm and Megumi's attitude wasn't helping.  He drew in a calming breath before replying.  "I wish to burn it, that I do."  He purposely injected a soothing note to his tone, watching as she slowly relaxed her stance.  He didn't want to know what she thought he wanted with the ruined garment.  He had a feeling her thoughts had been less than flattering.  He reached out and tugged it from her white-knuckled hold.  "I don't want her to ever see it again to remind her of tonight."  Turning, he tossed it into the fire, watching as the flames caught at the silk, engulfing it and destroying the once lovely kimono.  "If only memories could be so easily destroyed…" He of all people should know how utterly devastating memories could be.  He had enough bad ones to remember to go around ten-fold.  He didn't want Kaoru to experience nightmares night after night with no end as he did.  He wondered if there was a way to prevent her from dreaming.  He would have to ask Megumi after she'd had a chance to calm herself.  He sighed inwardly.  It was disconcerting to have the usually self-contained doctor so close to hysterics.  He felt a stab of uneasiness.  Kaoru was the center of their close knit group.  Without her, would they pull away from each other?  He didn't want to be cast adrift again.  He'd finally found acceptance amongst these people, his first true friends in all the years of his memory.  Without them, he was alone, existing, not living.  There had to be a way to overcome this.  He had to find a way to fix things for Kaoru.  He just didn't know what he, of all people, could possibly do and it was tearing him apart inside.

    She felt a twinge of guilt for her earlier suspicions.  She should have known he intended to destroy the evidence of Kaoru's pain, not wishing her to have a physical reminder of her ordeal.  She nodded and slowly, reluctantly, moved to place her arms around him, sighing as she closed her eyes, feeling the coiled strength in his taut muscles.  He, too, would need time to recover from the events of that night.  "She will need you, Ken-san.  More now than ever.  Please don't do anything that will tear you away from her."  Stepping back, she hurried to the house.

    Staring at the small window above him, he closed his hands into fists, hesitating before glancing over his shoulder in the direction Megumi had gone.  Assured that the lady doctor was out of sight he crossed to the door, pausing before slowly opening it and stepping inside.  Closing his eyes, he fought to hold back the emotions tumbling through his consciousness before stepping forward.  What he was doing was wrong.  He had no right to intrude on Kaoru's moment of privacy, especially so soon after the shock she'd endured that night.  But he needed to see her, alone, without the doctor hovering over them.  He needed to reassure himself that she was, indeed, alive.  The possibilities of the other likely outcome had never left his mind.  If he hadn't found her when he did, there was no telling what could have happened to her.  If her attacker had been the one to find her, he knew full well that she never would have escaped with her life.  Men like that rarely left witnesses to their brutal crimes.


	7. Chapter 7

**Rurouni Kenshin Fanfic**

_Rurouni Kenshin & Samurai X Original Japanese Version (c) N.Watsuki/Shueisha * Fuji-TV * SME Visual Works Inc. * Sony Pictures Entertainment_

_All Fanfics created by Chiruken (me) were written for the sole purpose of shared entertainment and not intended for publication or sale._

**~**

Endurance

By Chiruken

Chapter 7

    Her eyes snapped open at the unmistakable sound of the door opening and closing.  Biting her lip in growing fear, she strained to hear above the frantic thudding of her heart against her ribs.  Trying to hold her breath she sank a little lower into the steaming water.  "Megumi?"  Kaoru winced at the waver in her voice and peered through the steam, unable to see who had entered the bathhouse.  Frowning, she felt a twinge of increased alarm race through her when she received no answer.  "Hello?  Who's there?"  She sank further into the hot water, moving her arms to cover herself.  She knew someone was in the bathhouse with her.  Why weren't they answering?  Her breath quickened with the sudden fear that her attacker had somehow found her and he'd returned to silence her before she could tell anyone who he was.  Tears filled her eyes and she whimpered, thinking that she would remain silent, only if he'd leave her alone.  She didn't want to die and if her promised silence would ensure her continued existence, she was willing to never remember anything about the night and the man who'd taken her.  She was so lost in her misery and fearful thoughts that she didn't hear the footsteps approaching until it was too late.  She drew in a sharp, gasping breath, horrified that she'd missed the steady approach of her unknown 'visitor'.  The next instant her eyes widened and she opened her mouth to scream.

    Quickly covering her mouth, he leaned forward, over the edge of the furo, ignoring the way the sleeves of his gi were getting soaked.  Kaoru's terror was heart breaking.  She was afraid of him.  Gently smoothing her wet hair away from her face in an effort to calm her frantic struggles and ignored the way the water splashed over the edge of the furo to soak through his clothing.  He peered into her frightened gaze and forced himself to smile.  "Shh…Kaoru-dono…" He murmured softly, slowly removing his hand.  He wanted to pull her into his arms and hold her tight against his chest, never letting her go.  He knew that he couldn't, though.  He had no right to hold her, not now, not after his utter and complete failure to protect her from all danger.  He hated feeling so helpless.  

    Drawing in a ragged breath, she stared up at the rurouni with wide, frightened eyes.  "Kenshin?  Wh-what are you doing here?"  She sank further into the water, afraid of the way he was looking at her.  He'd never looked at her with such intensity before.  She wondered if it was because of what had happened to her.  It had to be.  He never would have purposely intruded on her privacy otherwise.  She felt tears burning in her eyes.  She'd been right.  Their relationship had changed, perhaps beyond repair.  Despair filled her, threatening to spill the tears over.  Now that she was ruined all respect he may have held for her was gone, shattered without hope of redemption.

    "I should have been with you, Kaoru-dono."  He whispered softly, slowly kneeling beside the filled furo, resting his arms on the edge.  Her tear-filled gaze would haunt his dreams for many nights to come.  He'd seen the horror and sudden realization enter her blue eyes and though he didn't know what it was she'd concluded, he knew it was causing her pain.  Lowering his head to his arms, he sighed, closing his eyes tightly.  He didn't know how to ease her pain and aid her in her silent struggle.  He was powerless to ease her troubled mind.  "I'm sorry."  He swallowed, feeling his eyes filling with tears again.  It seemed such an inadequate utterance, totally meaningless in view of what he felt deep within his heart.  "It's all my fault for forgetting to buy tofu."  It was an inane comment, but deep down, he knew it to be the truth.  If he hadn't have forgotten to go to the market earlier, she never would have felt the need to go herself.

    Staring at his bowed head, she shivered.  Could there still be a chance?  Could their relationship, such as it had been, be salvaged?  Could he overlook her loss of innocence and continue as her friend, even if he never returned her love?  She felt she could be content just having him near, even if he never loved her as she loved him.  She forced her mind away from the hopeful thoughts and focused instead on the immediate concerns facing her.  "But…what are you doing here?"  She knew it was a stupid question to ask, but it was plaguing her mind.  She knew he was upset, had seen it in his amber ringed eyes…eyes that frightened her with the intensity held within…but it didn't explain why he was kneeling beside her while she sat, naked, in the furo.  When he remained silent, merely knelt beside her, head bowed and resting on his arms, she cleared her throat.  Her eyes strayed to his hands, seeing them clench into tight fists, knuckles turning white.  "Kenshin, I'm not very comfortable…" She began hesitantly, needing to break the uncomfortable silence stretching between them.  He was there for a reason, she was sure of it.  He never would have entered the bathhouse without a reason.

    He closed his eyes tighter, hating the quaver of fear in her voice.  Was she afraid of him?  Or was it just the situation, the circumstances from earlier?  He prayed that was the reason.  He couldn't bear it if she was afraid of him now.  "I wanted to be close to you…" He slowly raised his head to look at her, feeling his heart constrict at the fearful way she was looking at him.  His hopes were immediately dashed.  It wasn't just the ordeal she'd endured.  "It's different now, isn't it?"  He asked softly, painfully.  "You don't want me close anymore…" It was heart wrenching to know that his presence caused her such fear.  Their relationship was now strained beyond repair.  She couldn't stand to be near him anymore.  Despair filled him and he swallowed, fighting to hold his emotions in check, not wanting to her to see how much her rejection devastated him.

    Eyes wide with shock she stared at him in disbelief.  He looked…shattered.  That was the only word she could think of to describe the expression in his eyes.  Could Megumi have been right?  Did he really love her?  If he did, it made the situation all that more unbearable.  Shaking her head sharply, she reached out with a shaking hand and rested it on his arm, feeling the way his muscles tensed at the contact.  She felt the need to comfort her gentle rurouni, to ease the heartache she saw reflected in his expressive eyes.  Though he tried to hide it, he was hurt by her seeming rejection of his presence.  "That isn't it…it's just that…" She swallowed and dropped her hand back into the water, not comfortable with the contact.  "You've never done this before…" Not exactly true, she silently acknowledged, but the other times had been purely accidental.

    For a moment he'd felt a small glimmer of hope when she'd reached out to him.  It had been dashed when she'd dropped her hand back into the water.  "Kaoru-dono…I…" He stopped and stood abruptly.  There were no words to say what he felt deep within his heart.  How could he convey the depth of his regret, the intensity of his sorrow?  "I'm sorry."  He turned his back, hands closing into fists at his sides as he bowed his head.  The words weren't enough, never would be.  "I wanted to see for myself that you were all right, that you…" He stopped and shook his head sharply.  It didn't matter what he said now.  Her rejection of him had been clear.  Though his instincts screamed at him to return to her side, to confess all he felt for her, his pride wouldn't allow it.  Perhaps later, when she was more recovered from the experiences of the night, but not now, not when both their emotions were so raw.  He would hold onto a small bit of hope that somehow they could overcome this together, find happiness later, but until then, he would give her the space she so desperately needed.  "I'm sorry."  He repeated and hurried to the door.  If he stayed, he'd break down in front of her and beg her to accept him, to forgive him for failing her when she needed him the most.

    "Kenshin."  She called to him softly, watching as he stopped at the door, hands braced on the wood as a breeze blew through the open window above her, dissipating the concealing steam.  "Thank you."  She shifted, resting her arms on the edge of the furo.  "For burning my kimono."  She'd heard the exchange between him and Megumi through the window.

    He nodded before opening the door and stepping through, closing it quietly behind him, closing his eyes as he leaned against the rough wood, fighting to hold back the tears of despair threatening his control.  He needed to hurt something…or rather someone.  He needed to lash out and relieve the awful pain tearing at him, making his heart ache and his soul cry out in anguish.  If he ever discovered who'd hurt his Kaoru in such horrible and brutal way, he'd kill him, regardless of the consequences.  But first, he had to find him.  Slowly opening his eyes he found himself staring into Megumi's enraged features.  He blinked when she raised her hand and slapped him.  Slowly lifting his hand to press against his stinging cheek he stared at her in confusion.


	8. Chapter 8

**Rurouni Kenshin Fanfic**

_Rurouni Kenshin & Samurai X Original Japanese Version (c) N.Watsuki/Shueisha * Fuji-TV * SME Visual Works Inc. * Sony Pictures Entertainment_

_All Fanfics created by Chiruken (me) were written for the sole purpose of shared entertainment and not intended for publication or sale._

**~**

Endurance

By Chiruken

Chapter 8

    Her hand stung from the sharp contact of a moment before, the sound of the slap ringing in her ears.  She ignored both and stared furiously at the man she called friend.  "Why?  Why did you go in there?  Don't you think Kaoru has endured enough tonight?  What do you think it did to her to have you, a man, in the bathhouse with her while she bathed?  Have you no shame?"  She shook with her fury.  Didn't he know enough to give Kaoru the privacy she needed and deserved?  "You just don't walk in on a woman while she's bathing!  Especially after what she's already gone through tonight!"  She lifted her hand and slapped him again, surprise seeping through her anger when he didn't attempt to stop her.  She knew he could have, his reflexes were good enough to do so.  But he hadn't.  He'd let her strike him, not once, but twice.  She closed her hands into fists, feeling a moment of shame cut through her anger when her eyes fell on the red mark against his cheek.  Why had she done that?  She shouldn't have struck him, no matter what the cause.

    He gently caressed his stinging cheek before dropping his hand to his side, closing it into a tight fist.  "I deserved that."  He whispered before giving her a hard look.  "But don't do it again, Megumi-dono."  He stepped passed her and turned for the gate.  He understood her anger and part of him agreed with her.  He really shouldn't have intruded on Kaoru in her moment of privacy.  Though he knew the excuse wasn't enough, he still offered it.  He wouldn't apologize to the doctor for caring about Kaoru enough to ignore the strict rules of polite society.  He may regret his actions, but he felt justified.  "I wanted to see for myself that she was all right."

    She swallowed against the lump forming in her throat, fighting against the tears threatening, once again, to fall.  "Wh-where are you going?"  She stared at him, horrified at her actions.  He was suffering just as much as she was, if not more.  Even if he hadn't admitted it to anyone, he was in love with Kaoru and it had to be tearing him apart inside to know that he'd been unable to prevent the pain she was now enduring.  She may still be annoyed with his total disregard for propriety, but she also feared that once he left, he'd never return.  Such an event would be devastating for Kaoru, she knew.  She didn't know how she could possibly persuade him to stay if he was intent on leaving, but she knew she had to try.  She waited, anxiety gnawing at her insides, for his answer.

    He closed his eyes, halting his retreat and drew in a deep, calming breath.  He didn't turn to face Megumi, not wanting to see the censuring look he was certain was still in her eyes.  He knew he deserved her anger, but that didn't mean he wanted to see it.  "To see Saito.  He will know how to find the bastard responsible."  With that said, he left, turning his steps towards the building where the former leader of the third squad of the Shinsengumi had his office.  He hated having to go to his former enemy for help, but for Kaoru, he'd endure the hell of having to ask him for assistance.  He knew the other man wouldn't let him live it down for the rest of his days.

    Biting her lip, she turned back to the bathhouse.  She knew how difficult it was for him to ask for help, especially from a man he didn't like.  None of them liked, she quickly amended.  Stepping into the steamy bathhouse she forced a smile to her lips.  "Kaoru?  I'm back.  I brought you a yukata to wear."  Her false cheer rang hollowly in her ears, but she was determined to try to put the other woman at ease by any means necessary.

    She stared at the doctor for a moment, trying to read her thoughts through the forced cheerfulness she wore.  It was like armor against the horrors of the night.  She almost smiled at the thought of Megumi donning armor of any kind.  She'd always thought her prickly attitude protection enough against any foe.  In a verbal sparring match, Takani Megumi was unbeatable.  She always secretly admired that about the other woman.  Sighing, she forced her mind back the present.  "Is Kenshin gone?"  She slowly stood, water dripping from her naked form.  When the other woman nodded she sighed again.  "You shouldn't have slapped him, Megumi."  She silently applauded the way her voice remained steady, calm.  She'd decided, after Kenshin had left her, that she was going to have to be strong.  She couldn't rely on everyone else to fight this battle for her.  Only she could help herself get over the events of the night.  It wasn't fair to burden her friends with her troubles.  It was enough to know that they were there for her if she needed them.  Kenshin's words had struck her deeply.  He blamed himself for what had happened and she refused to allow it.  He couldn't be with her all the time, protecting her from every little hurt life threw at her.  She had to stand on her own sometime, and there was no time like the present.

    Megumi stared at her in surprise, shocked at the serenity reflected in the younger woman's blue eyes.  There were still shadows held within her gaze, but somehow, while she'd been occupied elsewhere, her inner strength had prevailed and her determination to survive had reasserted itself.  At that moment, she couldn't have felt prouder to know Kamiya Kaoru.  "How did you---"

    "I heard everything through the window.  He probably deserved it, but you shouldn't have done it.  He's upset, too."  She stepped out of the furo and welcomed the soft towel the doctor held out to her.  "I don't really know how to feel about this, Megumi, but I don't think Kenshin meant any harm by coming in here."  Somehow, she'd gotten the impression that by entering the bathhouse he'd caused himself more harm than her.  She didn't understand what it was that he was feeling at the moment, but she was willing to try.

    "No, I'm sure he didn't.  But sometimes he acts without thinking and I don't want you to be hurt anymore."  She held the yukata for the younger woman to slip into, her words resounding with the clarity of truth.  Kenshin hadn't meant any harm, but something had happened while he'd been with Kaoru.  She had seen it in his eyes.  She was reluctant, though, to ask what had transpired between the two.  It was private and she didn't want to pry.

    "Can I stay here tonight?  I-I don't want to have to face Yahiko yet…" She felt that she could face him the next day, but for the night she needed to gather herself more, erect her barriers to protect herself.  She knew that his teasing and belligerent attitude would not do her any good until she was more in control of herself.  There was also Sanosuke to deal with, but again, that would come the next day.  Tonight she would hide.  Tomorrow she would face with a clear mind.

    "Of course you can!"  She quickly hugged her younger friend and led her out of the bathhouse.  "The tea should help you sleep.  I have to go to the clinic in the morning, but you're welcome to come with me if you want."

    "No, I'll have to face everybody sooner or later.  I guess sooner is better, right?"  She smiled shakily and stepped into the inviting warmth of the house.  "Besides, I think I need to talk to Kenshin about…about this."  She winced inwardly, but lifted her chin, her stubborn pride beginning to reassert itself.  She couldn't hide from him forever and they really needed to talk, to clear things up between them and maybe move on.  She couldn't let him carry the burden of guilt by himself.  It hadn't been his fault and she knew she was the only person who could convince him of that.

    She smiled, encouraged by the returning stubbornness she'd come to associate with the young woman.  It was a sign that she wasn't going to roll over and let the situation get the best of her.  She felt that was a step in the right direction towards recovery.  It would still take time, but at least she was taking that all important first step.  "Don't rush yourself.  I know that it's necessary, but give yourself time, Kaoru."  She couldn't rush things, she had to first heal herself before she attempted to reach out to anyone else.  She knew the young woman wouldn't be easy to restrain, her giving nature would prevent her from allowing anyone else to suffer in her stead.  She smiled, thinking that if it weren't for her giving nature, she'd still be alone in the world, perhaps even dead.  She owed everything she had now to Kaoru and the others at the doujou.  They'd taught her that suicide wasn't the answer, that she had something to return to the world to atone for the wrongs she'd committed while under Takeda Kanryuu's control.

    She nodded and accepted the warm cup, inhaling the fragrance of the liquid before sipping it slowly.  "Truly, I just want to hide forever, but I know I can't.  I have responsibilities and I can't just abandon Yahiko's training.  I have to keep going, keep myself busy, or I know I'll just want to curl up in a little ball and…" She allowed the left to remain unfinished.  She knew Megumi would understand.

    "I know.  It's hard, though, isn't it?"  She smiled and took the now empty cup from her.  "Just remember that we're all here for you, no matter what, all right?"

    "All right."  She smiled, the expression more natural, but still a shadow of her usual cheerfulness.  She followed the older woman to the spare room and allowed her tuck her into the futon, snuggling into the soft sheets.  "Thank you…for everything…" She whispered, her eyes drifting closed, the tea taking effect rapidly and making her drowsy.  She was thankful, fearing that without the sedative she never would've been able to find rest in sleep, the memories too close to the surface to allow her to relax.  "I hope Kenshin doesn't get into trouble…"

    Shaking her head, she sighed and left, closing the shouji quietly.  "She always thinks of others before herself…" She whispered softly before seeking her own futon.  She knew sleep would be a long time in coming that night.


	9. Chapter 9

**Rurouni Kenshin Fanfic**

_Rurouni Kenshin & Samurai X Original Japanese Version (c) N.Watsuki/Shueisha * Fuji-TV * SME Visual Works Inc. * Sony Pictures Entertainment_

_All Fanfics created by Chiruken (me) were written for the sole purpose of shared entertainment and not intended for publication or sale._

**~**

Endurance

By Chiruken

Chapter 9

    He clenched his hands into fists at his sides, teeth gritted hard enough his jaw hurt.  He watched as the other man casually lit his cigarette, carefully keeping his expression impassive as he waited impatiently.  He seemed to take great delight in delaying the process, drawing out the match with painful slowness, studying the tip intently before striking it against the rough bar on the side of the box.  The tiny flame erupted into life, dancing merrily as he stared at it as if mesmerized, the flickering glow reflected in his narrowed amber gaze before he touched it to the tip of his cigarette, drawing deeply, inhaling the acrid smoke deep into his lungs.  He wanted to choke just watching him.  "So, Battousai, what brings you here of all places."  He slowly turned his attention away from the match as he blew the sputtering flame into a tiny curl of sulphur scented smoke.

    It galled him to have to ask this man for anything, especially something this important to him.  He swallowed, feeling as if it were his pride, when the other man's already narrow amber gaze seemed to narrow even further, giving him a highly predatory look.  A lesser man would be scurrying for the door, desperate for escape.  He ignored the look as best he could.  He wasn't intimidated as much as disgruntled.  "I need your help, Saito."  He shifted, uncomfortable under his sudden show of interest as evidenced in the way he stood straighter and his eyes filled with an unholy light.

    "With what?"  Saito's curiosity was piqued.  It was highly unusual for the smaller man to willingly seek him out, especially for assistance.  He decided that the night had just gotten interesting.  He was looking forward to seeing how far the former hitokiri would go with this.  He forced his body to ease into a posture of relaxation, leaning back in his chair to watch the subtle, but interesting, nuances in the other man's stance.  It was clear to him that Himura Kenshin was extremely agitated about something.  He wondered what could have happened to bring that hard look back into his eyes, a shadow of his former self leaking through his tight control.  Except for the coldness in his amber flecked violet eyes, he appeared as calm as ever.

    Ignoring the way the acrid smoke from Saito's cigarette was tickling his nose, making him want to sneeze, he drew in a shallow breath, collecting his thoughts before continuing.  "Kaoru-dono was attacked tonight.  I wish to find the man responsible."  His hands clenched into fists, his only outward sign of the turmoil he felt inside.  He was rather proud of the way his voice had remained steady, even if the tone had been a touch hard.

    He nearly swallowed his cigarette in his surprise.  That was the last thing he expected to hear.  Briefly he wondered how the man had escaped thus far.  He would have thought the man once known as Hitokiri Battousai would've killed him already.  Unless there was something he wasn't telling him.  "Attacked?"  He asked carefully, eyes never leaving the other man's strained expression.  There was something very wrong about the way the other man was reacting.  He straightened, his customary mocking smirk replaced by a scowl.  He had a bad feeling about the situation.  "How badly was she injured?"  He reasoned that the girl was still alive since the other man was standing before him.  He felt that if Kamiya Kaoru were dead nothing would stop the ex-hitokiri from tracking him down by any means necessary, regardless of the consequences.

    His jaw clenched, expression hardening, briefly revealing his inner struggle to maintain outward calm.  He found it very difficult to form the words and it was a monumentous struggle to keep his tone even.  "Bad enough."  He was reluctant to divulge the rest, to go into detail of something that should be kept private for Kaoru's benefit as well as his own unwillingness to vocally acknowledge the ordeal she had endured, but knew that it was necessary.  "She was raped."  The admission emerged flat, his voice devoid of inflection.  Saito could never know how hard it was to finally say the words, to admit his complete and utter failure in protecting the young woman he cared so deeply about.

    He surged to his feet, his chair clattering to the floor.  "What?"  He couldn't believe the smaller man was so calm in view of the situation.  He thought the rurouni was in love with the girl.  "You seem rather calm, Battousai.  It makes me wonder just how much the girl really means to you after all."  Inwardly, his mind was racing.  If the story were true…and he had no reason to doubt the smaller man's words at this point…then why was he coming to him?  It made no sense to him.  Why would he seek out the assistance of his former enemy in something so personal?  Wouldn't it be more reasonable to assume he would wish to see to the matter of vengeance on his own?

    He gritted his teeth.  Saito wasn't making it any easier for him, not that he'd been under the illusion that the other man would be inclined towards sympathy.  "How would you have me react?  It's pointless to lash out indiscriminately, Saito.  If you want the truth, I **_am_** angry.  But what can I do?  I don't know who did it and until I do, I can't do a thing."

    His eyes narrowed as he studied the rurouni intently, finally recognizing the turmoil revealed by his fluctuating ki.  He shouldn't be surprised at how adept he was at masking his ki.  He'd gained much experience in doing so during the chaos of the revolution.  "Ahh…I see."  He relaxed, understanding filling him.  The other man was barely managing to maintain control in the face of this gravest of tragedies.  For a man such as Himura Kenshin, admitting his true feelings on the matter was nearly impossible.  To do so meant that he could no longer deny his true nature…that of a hitokiri, a ruthless killer.  **_And so…_** Saito surmised, **_He will fight his instincts and hold onto his tenuous control as a drowning man clutches a lifeline.  Just like Himura Kenshin, the rurouni.  But it goes against his nature as Himura Battousai, the hitokiri._** In other words, the smaller man was obviously being torn between two needs…the need to protect and the need to destroy.  It was a difficult situation, for both of them.  He sympathized with both sides, understanding his driving need to protect Kamiya Kaoru…and his subsequent feelings of failure to do so…and his need to destroy the one who caused her pain.  The rurouni part of him, the non-killing idealist, and the hitokiri part of him, the killer, were at war, each fighting for control of the other man.  It was a potentially volatile situation.  "So, what will you do when you find him?"  He leaned forward, resting his hands on the hard surface of his desk.  Despite the gravity of the circumstances, he was curious which side would win the inner battle being waged within Himura Kenshin's heart.

    "Kill him."  He spoke without hesitation, his decision, though hard won, already made.

    **_So, that is the way of it.  He will throw everything that he has worked for over the years since the end of the revolution for the girl.**  He was almost disappointed.  He'd come to accept, if not like, the other man's ideals and he respected the strength it had taken to refuse to take another life, no matter what the circumstances.  He didn't like it, but he could respect it.  "Are you sure that's the path you wish to take?  What about your silly idealistic vow to never kill again?  What of that?"  It went against the grain to argue this point, but he had to be certain of his motives.  If he had made the decision based solely on emotion, then it was a flawed choice and could only lead to more trouble in the future._

    "He hurt Kaoru!"  He closed his eyes and tried to calm his breathing, knowing that his outburst was inappropriate.  The tenuous hold he kept on his emotions slipped, revealing his inner torment.  His hands clenched into fists at his sides as he fought to regain control.  Slowly, he opened his eyes, expression hard, but his restraint restored.  "He must be brought to justice."  He finished, somewhat calmer, though his voice still shook with the emotions barely kept at bay.

    He nodded slowly, feeling his respect for the other man grow despite himself.  His struggle to maintain a calm perspective was clear to see.  "Tenchu.  Is that wise?"  Saito stepped around the desk and stared hard into the smaller man's eyes, seeing the way amber was slowly infusing the usual soft violet.  It didn't surprise him to see the familiar hint at the hitokiri he'd once been, not after his declaration of 'heaven's justice'.  "You've spent many years fighting the instinct to kill, is it wise to give in now?"  He felt he was honor-bound to point out the obvious to the rurouni.

    "Shut up."  The command emerged on a low, dangerous growl.  He didn't want the other man reminding him of his vow made so many years before.  "What makes you think that Kaoru-dono was his first victim?  Or his last?  He could strike again, maybe killing his next victim.  Someone like that is more dangerous than I could ever be, Saito.  His motives are disgusting.  What I did was for the hopes of a better era…a Japan that was safe for everyone.  His actions pervert that ideal, nullify it, and he must be stopped."

    He sighed inwardly.  "Because he dared to attack your woman?"  He was only mildly surprised at the other man's reasoning.  Somehow he'd known his ideals, left over from the revolution, would seep through and color his actions.

    "No, because he could attack a woman at all."  He lowered his gaze to the floor and closed his hands into fists.  The silence stretched, the ticking of a clock the only sound in the office.  "And because it was Kaoru-dono."  He finally admitted softly.

    He nodded slowly, his respect, yet again, rising for the other man.  He knew it had taken a lot for him to admit his feelings on the matter, even that much.  "All right."  Saito stepped back and stubbed his cigarette out in an overflowing ashtray perched on the edge of his desk.  "I'll help you, on one condition."

    "What condition?"  He was almost afraid to ask.  The other man could be devious beyond belief and he feared he'd be asked to do something that would go against his own feelings and beliefs.

    "Don't kill him.  Let the law handle this matter.  Justice will still be served, but your hands will remain clean, your ideals intact.  And the girl will be avenged."

    He blinked in surprise, uncertain what motives were behind Saito's sudden change in attitude.  "Why?"

    "I don't want to clean up after you.  If you start killing now, where will it end?  One rapist will lead to another and then another until the government you fought so hard to protect will send me after you to eliminate you.  I don't think I'd like that at this point.  I have enough things to worry about without having to take care of you too."

    He almost smiled.  "Thank you."  He murmured softly, feeling a small bit of liking for the other man replace his previous intense dislike.

    He waved a hand dismissively.  "Get out of here.  I have a job to do."  It was going to be hell for the next while, until he found the man Himura Kenshin was after.  Without a description, it would be next to impossible, but he would do what he could.  He had a particular hatred for men who would force a woman.  It was dishonorable behavior and not easily overlooked, no matter who the man was or what his excuses may be.


	10. Chapter 10

**Rurouni** Kenshin Fanfic****

_Rurouni_ Kenshin & Samurai X Original Japanese Version (c) N.Watsuki/Shueisha * Fuji-TV * SME Visual Works Inc. * Sony Pictures Entertainment__

_All Fanfics created by Chiruken (me) were written for the sole purpose of shared entertainment and not intended for publication or sale._

**~**

Endurance

By Chiruken

Chapter 10

    He walked slowly, eyes cast on the ground, emotions in turmoil.  He was angry, understandable.  A woman under his protection had been brutally attacked, hurt beyond endurance…a woman he cared for more than he originally thought possible.  He was saddened, also understandable.  He couldn't conceive of the pain she must be enduring within the privacy of her mind, somewhere he could never offer comfort, even if she would accept it.  He was disgusted, another understandable emotion.  He couldn't imagine the type of man who would intentionally cause so much pain to a member of the gentler sex, someone they should all strive to protect at all costs.  He was filled with regret, something he also felt was understandable.  If he hadn't forgotten to purchase the tofu when she'd asked, she never would have gone out by herself so close to nightfall.  And he felt guilt, something he understood all too well.  He felt personally responsible for her pain, the torment she was being forced to endure even now.  If he had only insisted on accompanying her, she would never have been attacked.  There was no way he could ever erase her ordeal, yet he longed to do so, to return to the past, alter the events, protect her from the nightmare she'd been through.

    He became aware that his steps had faltered and he was now halted, standing in the middle of the deserted street, hands clenched into fists at his sides.  The turmoil of his internal struggle was reflected in his expressive violet eyes, now becoming infused with a decidedly amber hue.  He'd failed her.  He should've protected her.  Now she would be plunged into the hells of nightmares for kami knew how long.  He was powerless to save her from reliving the ordeal.  He wished to spare her the torment of going through the brutal attack over and over, yet he knew that it wasn't possible.  He may not be experienced in such things, but he knew the trauma would play out repeatedly until she had healed herself.  He couldn't bear the thought of her being in pain, yet he could do nothing but stand by and watch as she endured it alone, lost within the terror of her experience.

    He raised his hands and lowered his head, closing his eyes tightly, fighting the urge to weep for Kaoru's pain.  For all that he was capable of, his nearly unmatchable sword technique, the skills he'd honed throughout his life, he couldn't even protect those around him from the ugliness of the world.  All that he'd fought for during the revolution, the hell he'd been forced to endure for his ideals, the near loss of his humanity in the bloodshed of the chaotic battlefield known as Kyoto, the suffering he'd caused with the hopes for the future…it was all for nothing if the streets were no longer safe for young women like Kaoru.  His failure ate away at him, weighed heavily on his already heavy heart.  How could he face her knowing that it had been within his power to spare her such needless suffering?  If only he'd insisted that he accompany her to the market.

    Slowly lowering his hands to close into fists at his sides, he threw his head back and stared up at the cloudless sky, noting distractedly that the stars seemed to be shining brighter than usual despite the terrible things that had occurred that night.  How could they appear so unaffected when such suffering was going on just beneath them?  For a moment he hated the coldness of the tiny twinkling lights, longing for clouds to cover their shameless display.  Kaoru was hurt, tortured nearly beyond endurance by the cruelty of fate, and the heavens had no right to continue as if nothing had happened.

    Shaking his head at the futility of railing at the stars, he resumed walking, his steps the only sound breaking the silence of the stillness of the lateness of the hour.  How long had Kaoru endured the torment before he'd found her?  How much time had he wasted by merely standing at the gate, worried but unmoving?  Could he have spared her the ordeal if he'd acted sooner?  The questions plagued his conscience.  He was horrified at the thought that if he had only gone after her when he'd begun feeling uneasy that he could have spared her from the attack.  Logically, he knew that he'd had no way of knowing that she was in danger at all, that his uneasiness could have merely been caused by the unusual weather plaguing Tokyo.  Yet he couldn't shake the feeling that it had somehow been a premonition of the disaster occurring just beyond his reach.

    He hoped that Megumi had been able to give Kaoru something to ease her night, to spare her the nightmares he knew would come in the wake of the horrendous experience.  To sleep dreamlessly would aid her in recovering physically.  If her physical strength returned, he knew that she would be able to cope easier with the emotional trauma.  The bruises would fade with time, but the emotional scarring would last a long time to come.  He wondered if there was any way that he could aid in her recovery.  He would have to speak to the lady doctor and hear her thoughts on the matter.  At the moment, he was reluctant to be near her, their earlier confrontation still close to the surface of his memory.  He knew that she'd had every right to be angry with him, and as he'd said, he knew he'd probably deserved it.  He lifted his hand to trace his fingers over his cheek, the sting of her slap having faded except from his memories.  No, discussing his thoughts with Megumi would have to wait until their emotions had had a chance to cool, their usual composure returned with the light of day.

    Pausing outside the gate to the doctor's home he hesitated.  He really should return to the doujou, if only to reassure Yahiko that Kaoru had been found.  Despite the way the boy insulted his sensei, he knew that he cared for her deeply.  In Kaoru, he had found the family he barely remembered and complete acceptance.  He almost smiled, thinking that neither of them would wish for it to become common knowledge, but anyone watching would know that the caring was deep and true between them.  He looked at the darkened house and sighed.  He couldn't leave.  Not now, not even to reassure the boy.  He had to be close to Kaoru, close enough to protect her if need be.  He knew it was unlikely that she was in danger here, of all places, but it didn't ease his mind despite the logic.  He would remain close, prepared, and never again would he fail in his vow to protect her.


End file.
